I Am

I am.
I am a mother and a wife
I am a friend, a daughter, a cousin, a sister
I am a knitter and avid tv watcher and player of games
I am a writer and reader
I am a lover of good wine and cheese
I am so many things, different things to different people in all different places
But this month, October, I am one thing more than all the others
I am a face
One face among many
I am the face of a mother whose child has gone on before her
I am the face of a mother who carries her child around her neck instead of in her arms
I am the face of a mother who beat the statistics but not in a good way
I am the face of a family who will always be missing someone

I actually don't believe the 1 in 4 statistic.  I think it's probably closer to 1 in 3 or even, as one doctor said, 1 in 2.  1 in 4 are the reported miscarriages, stillbirths and infant loss.  But what about the unreported.  Women who weren't sure or didn't know they were pregnant or who miscarried early and never told anyone?  And what about the babies whose death was not an accident but purposeful?  1 in 4 does not include aborted children, unless they are medical terminations.  What about the elective ones?

I hate to use the word Awareness and describe October as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  I am fully aware of more than I ever wanted to know about loss and grief.  I don't think we need to make people aware that babies die or that families suffer from it.  I think what we need is to make people REMEMBER.  Remember my child with me.  Remember his life and what should have been.  The people we so desperately want to remember our children with us are already aware.   For me, October is about remembrance and celebration.  Remembering the life I held, the loss I feel, celebrating the love we felt and what the future holds for us.