Anger Issues

Day 20:  If you have anger.....What are you most angry about?

I am not always angry but I do have moments of anger and bitterness.  I think the thing I am most angry with is the unfairness of it all.  I didn't grow up in the best of families or in the best of neighbourhoods so I see people all around me who are abusive and/or neglectful of their kids.  I've seen people swear at their kids, call them names, scream at them, hit them with belts, parents who just ignore their kids and let other people raise them, parents who try to give their kids away to family cause they don't want them anymore.  I know women who pop out kid after kid from all sorts of different fathers, women who smoke and drink while pregnant.  I've seen a lot of this in my own family and I tolerated it before but now I can't even look at these people.  I was at a party once and thank God this was before Blaine, this woman had like 5 beers and was smoking the entire night and was clearly pregnant.  And then she had the nerve to complain that she "couldn't really party" because she was pregnant.  It took all I had not to say something.  If I saw that now, after losing my son, I'd punch her in the throat for sure.  I'm bitter that people who treat their kids like crap or like accessories (got to have the 2.5 kids! even if you don't really like them) have absolutely no problem having them.  I'm bitter that the best women I know struggle to mother a living child while some of the worst I've met can have as many as they want.  I'm so bitter about this stuff that as I'm thinking this post out in my head and typing it I'm having to cut out a lot of cussing!   One of the few things that gets me swearing is bad parenting. 

I'm angry, less so but still a little, at people who never acknowledged my son even existed.  Those people don't exist to me anymore.  For those of you on FB you saw my post in BLM Bloggers re: one person's attempt to use my son to get attention for herself.  I don't know if I"m more bitter at people not acknowledging him or people acknowledging him for their own agenda.
Even though it might sound like it, I'm not always bitter and angry.  I realized the other day that I'm actually pretty happy.  I've got a good life right now.  But there are days.  Dark days.  Luckily they are few and far between and are usually triggered by something or someone.  I know my triggers though and do my best to avoid them and stay in a safe mental place.