Family

Day 12: How has the rest of your family dealt with your loss?


I'm sure they dealt with MY LOSS the best way they thought THEY COULD HANDLE.  lol   No, not at all bitter.  At first they were very supportive.  They all came to the hospital, took me home, made sure I was doing okay.  My Dad even called me the next day to tell me he loved me which is not really something we do in our family.  My Mom checked on me a couple of days later and brought me a thermometer so I could make sure I didn't get a fever.  And then nothing.  And more nothing.  When we got Blaine's body my Mom came to the funeral home with me and paid for the services.  She prayed with me in the chapel.  And then nothing.  They haven't mentioned him since and that was 14 months ago.  No mention of him at Christmas or on his birthday.  I don't know if they just assume I'm over it or if they're just over it.  My daughter actually brought it up to my Mom after Caleb was born.  Telling her how she has three grandchildren now.  At first my Mom was like "huh" and then clicked in. 
As for in laws I didn't expect much anyway.  They're not the emotional or talking type.  Conversations are either gossiping about someone else's life or jokingly making fun of each other about something.  I'm sure I've been the topic of much gossip and I have no doubt some of them think I deserve what I got. 
The thing I was amazed by most was that I received the most love from people who I didn't expect it from.  Acquaintances, people at work, our martial arts instructors (Ma'am and Sir as we call them), and of course all of my new online family (sisters in grief).  That's my family now, that's the family my children deserve to be in.

Speaking of marital arts, I had my workout this morning.  I had a complete flashback.  We were doing a certain exercise that we haven't done, or at least I haven't, in awhile.  In fact I remembered as I was doing it that the last time was when I was pregnant with Blaine.  I vividly remembered exactly what I was wearing and how I went extra slow just to make sure I didn't fall.  And then of course it crossed my mind, "did this cause it?"  I'm happy to say I was able to keep it together and not show on the outside that suddenly my mind and heart were flipped upside down.