Life Here

Life is pretty good here.  I have two living children who are currently snuggled up napping on the couch together.  They are so in love.  Yet...

I have just cleaned my bedroom and inevitably ended up reorganizing Blaine's things and cleaning them as well.  I miss him.  I miss what could have been.  It's not even really "missing" because I didn't know Blaine.  Let's be honest.  For all I know Blaine could have grown up to be a real jerk.  He was a baby in the womb.  He didn't do anything that I can "miss."  So, I guess that's not the word.  "Long."  I long for the little kicks and punches I felt so early on.  I wish.  I wish I had a lifetime of memories to miss.  It's hard to explain to someone who has never "lost" a pregnancy.  All of the things you thought would be your life for the next 60 years are gone.

I'm not unusually sad or depressed today.  I'm just thinking of him a lot.  It's just one of those days that I still have every once in awhile where I have to revisit that time.  That time when grief was fresh and new.

My sad little attempt at doing something creative!  lol  Couldn't find a "perfect" background.

Blaine is Still With Us

I thought I'd just quickly check my email.  I never check my email when I'm at my parents house but it had been a couple of days, I just had my coffee and Abby was playing contentedly.  A quick email check.  I opened my email and the first one I noticed was from a name I didn't recognize and the subject line was simply "Blaine."  I figured it was another BLM who was sending me a surprise name photo.  I opened it and started to read and then 5 little words popped out at me "Blaine is still with us."  I reread that line over and over.  How can this be?
Backtrack for those of you who have not read our story.  When Blaine was born we walked away without him.  Because of baby killing laws in my country you don't have to make funeral arrangements for babies born under 20 weeks.  With me being in shock I had no idea what to do so we just left him at the hospital.  I regretted this decision immediately.  I spent the next few months desperate.  What happened to him?  Where was his body?  Every time I looked at the smoke stack that sticks up from the hospital I wondered if he had been burned with the medical waste.
I got in touch with a woman named Cyndi from a local bereavement group.  She did her best to try to get me any information, an u/s photo, photo of his body, anything.  And then, like manna from Heaven, my own personal miracle came in the form of an email, from a nurse at the hospital.  Forget the parting of the red seas, this was bigger than walking on water or turning water into wine.  For an "unexplained" reason Blaine had been embalmed in a jar in the lab at the hospital and then forgotten about.  4 months later he was still there.  Yes, if you were wondering, babies under 20 weeks who are not taken home are disposed of with the medical waste.  Not at the hospital, they are taken off site.  I found this out after I had him back.  This unfortunately happened to a family I met in the bereavement group.  But Blaine had been "missed."
These 5 words probably saved my sanity.  I have no idea where I would be mentally right now if I had found out he had been disposed of with someone's infected liver.  I have to credit Cyndi who worked so hard to help me and then Shelly at the hospital who found him and contacted me.  The funeral home was amazing, so caring and compassionate.  I had to make all of the arrangements myself, the funeral home manager was the one who came with me and stood beside me as I viewed Blaine's little body in his beautiful white casket.
My husband, Cyndi, Shelly and the funeral home manager all tried to figure out why Blaine was still there.  Not that any of us were complaining but what happened?  I didn't care.  I, like Tebow, am not afraid to bend a knee.  I know whose work this was.  God kept Blaine there at the hospital until I was ready to meet him.  He knew his plans for me, not to hurt me but to make me prosper.  (Jeremiah 29:11)  He knew as I stood looking at the little body that seemed to have just fallen from my womb that one day I would need this.  That one day returning my son to me would return his daughter to Him.

Lil Angel Hankie

I just got this in the mail today!  I totally forgot that I requested it, can't even remember when I did.

It's this great group called "Little Angel Hankies"

It is so beautiful.  They are hand stitched and made by request for free for baby loss parents.  I am a huge fan of theirs.

My favourite part of the included poem is

"I love him as much as I love my new son
He made me a Mommy, though his time was cut short."
by Tricia Pyatt, who does the hankies.

For free!!!  If you know me you know I loathe anything that profits off of our loss.  This is an incredible gift for parents but of course donations are welcome since this is all being done by hand and mailed.

I love it, love it, love it!!

Right Where I Am, 2 years, 1 month, 13 days

I have been going back and forth about linking up with Angie @ Still Life With Circles for this year's Right Where I Am linkey doodle.  Here is my post from last year.  I just couldn't decide if I had it in me.

Where am I...a pretty good place.  I think, as good as it's going to get.

Most days I don't have the slightest inkling of depression, guilt or regret.  Some would chalk that up to having had another child.  I am one of the lucky ones who got pregnant again quickly and successfully.  Personally, I don't think that's it though.  I made a decision to feel better.  I make a decision everyday not to grieve anymore.  Many will tell you that you will never stop grieving for your child, that everyday you will feel the loss.  That's only true if you let it be your truth.  For me, that wasn't acceptable.  I have two living children who need a complete mother.  So, I decided months ago that that's what I would be.  That's one of the reasons I don't come on here as much anymore.  It isn't because I don't think of B or of the friends I met.  It's because if you surround yourself with sadness you will be sad.  If you surround yourself with loss you will feel lost.  Mind over matter.

So here I am, two years, one month and 13 days later.  I have my moments.  Just had one an hour ago.  Today I've been reliving a good birth experience.  Tomorrow is Caleb's first birthday.  So, all day today I've been thinking of his birth.  Then an hour ago, I flashed back to Blaine's.  How different it was.  I cried.  I felt that surge of guilt and shame.  But I recovered.  I pushed the negative thoughts out of my head.  That's an ability I didn't have last year.  Last year and the year before I couldn't for the life of me will myself better.  But now I can.  Mind over matter.

This is right where I am,  the Mother to three beautiful babies.  Two who walk with me and one who soars above me.  But not forever.  I don't need to "grieve" because I've "lost" Blaine.  I haven't.  He may soar above me now but it's not forever.  Someone has promised me something and I know he keeps his promises.  He's promised me that there will be a reunion.  And while I'm not the most patient person and I do find it very difficult to wait for something that I really really want, I will keep this in mind...earthly pain is temporary, children are not lost to those who are found.

Mother's Day Post @ The DBC

http://deadbabyclub.blogspot.com/2012/05/mothers-day.html

Back to Work

Tomorrow is a big day for us, back to work!  If you are on my FB friends list you know I've been going on and on about this for weeks now.  So sad to leave my little man.  And Abby as well although she's at school all day anyway so it won't be as big a deal to be away from her.  Caleb and I are still nursing though and we have daily smooching sessions and naps and playdates.  There will be lots of tears this week I'm sure, for me and him.  He's never been away from me for more than 5 or 6 hours.  I know I just have to suck it up and eventually we'll adjust.

One thing I forgot to mention about our trip.  As I was finalizing the packing the morning we left I realized I hadn't thought of Blaine's ashes and "things."  Was I just going to leave them here alone?  I couldn't fathom the idea and yet I didn't really want to bring two boxes of stuff with me.  I desperately called another BLM that lives fairly close, Kai's mom Akemi, and asked if they could babysit.  Actually I got her husband and after a complete emotional breakdown, asked.  They did and he spent a week with their little guy Kai.  I can't believe I didn't think of it until the last minute and was so glad that I had someone close by that I could trust with him.  It was a weird experience going through my phone list and thinking "ok, who will do this without thinking I'm nuts?"  All the more reason to make some IRL BLM friends.

New Directions?

I am at peace.  Life is good.  If you had told me two years ago that this would be my life right now I wouldn't have believed you.  I didn't think I'd ever laugh again without a tear in my eye.

The lessons I've learnt over the past two years are priceless.  We, as BLM's have a long list of cliches which we loathe to hear.  "It was God's plan."  "Everything happens for a reason."  "He's in a better place."  Hearing things like this from strangers or worse, loved ones is like a slap in the face.  But what I have realized over the past two years is that they are true.  I would still never say them to someone whose just lost a baby.  It's something I came to believe over a lot of time, meditation, prayer, tears and talks.  I look at how I've changed and how my life has changed and I know Blaine's little life was not in vain.  I still don't pretend to have all of the answers and I still think it's wildly unfair but I'm okay with that now.

I have been wondering a lot lately about the direction to take my life now.  Do I continue to blog on occasion and keep this place for Blaine?  Do I turn it into a family blog and go private to share with family and friends?  I have learnt that I love writing and so I don't think I can give it up completely.  Then there's the DBC blog.  I hate to let it go but I really don't have much to write anymore or a lot of time to do it.  Stats tell me that people are still here, still reading, still discovering the blogs.  (would it kill you to comment!?!?!  lol)  I wonder how many are newbies.  How many have just lost their children recently and are hitting the internet, just like I did, looking for support and friendship.  I feel like I need to do something, anything.  I can't be one of those that healed and then left.  I feel like even if I just make a tiny tiny contribution at least it's something, at least it may comfort one momma.  I know I'm rambling.  Any ideas for me?

Two Years

Here is the cake we got for Blaine's birthday while we were away.  Just something simple and sweet.

What a Difference

We are back from our trip.  It was awesome.  Of course being in that familiar place brought a couple of horrible memories back.  As we drove by the rest stop on the highway where I passed a big blood clot and wondered if I was going to hemorrhage; as I used the bathroom at the pool and went into the same stall I used to cry in; as I ordered a drink at the bar where I once had to suck in my tummy; as I walked around Disney and said things like "last time we were here."  There were moments but all in all it was a fantastic trip.  I got to do all of the things I couldn't do last time and this time with a beautiful, loving little man.
We celebrated Blaine's second birthday while we were there.  We were with my mom and sister in law and neither of them said a word about it all day, even after I brought a cake home with his name on it.  Not surprised.  Blaine's life and death has nothing to do with them so why would it warrant a mention?  It didn't make me bitter I just rolled my eyes and let it go.  Hubby and I talked about him a lot throughout the day.  He had good dreams of him that night, I had nightmares.  We got a yellow and white Mickey and Minnie cake and I had his name written on it.  How much is Blaine talked about in my in laws family?  My husband's 15 yr old nephew didn't know who he was.  He asked me as I was cutting the cake.  It was the first he had heard the name.  Sad sad sad.
I wanted to do name photos at the beach but didn't have time, didn't even get a chance to do Blaine's.  I'll have to do some around here for the mommas I had mentioned it to.
Caleb took his first steps!  I loved watching him play on the beach, at the pool, on the carousel at Disney.  He and Abby had such a good time and made me feel so blessed to be there with them.
We celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary while we were there.  We went out for dinner and drinks and mini golf.  I think I fell for my husband all over again on this trip.  Just watching him play with the kids, listening to him talk about "our boy" Blaine, spending quality time hanging out with him and laughing.
This is my last week of maternity leave.  Next Monday at this time I will be sitting at work.  I am so sad.  I hate the thought of leaving Caleb.  I think I've found a good daycare for him but no one will be as good as me.  He and I are so bonded.  Our bond may be so strong because we've breastfed almost exclusively this whole time, co slept and cuddled.  I really think it's because he was sent here to heal me.  Since he was in the womb he has known when I've needed him, he kicked when I got anxious, he played when I felt sad.  And now that he's here he knows when I need a big hug and kiss, he has an instinct about my moods.  He is my medicine.  We are both going to miss so much when I'm at work.
I want to write more about the two year mark but I think this is long enough, maybe tomorrow.  And I'll put up a pic of Blaine's cake.

Happy Resurrection Day!!

This is the day.  The epitome of our faith.  If we didn't have today we would be like every other religion.  Because of today we grieve but it is not a hopeless grief.  I do not need to wonder where Blaine is or what happened to him when his heart stopped.  Because of today I know.  Because of today I will hold him and love him and hear him call me Momma. 

He is risen, He is risen!! 

Abby and I were talking about Heaven today and what we think is being done up there to prepare for our arrival.  We both agreed that Blaine must be very skilled at something.  Maybe he's a great painter or carpenter or landscaper.  That's why he was needed so soon, why he didn't have time for an earthly stopover.  Abby says he's probably getting the pool ready at our house! 

So Happy Resurrection Day to all of you.  Even though your babies are not in your arms I hope you take comfort in knowing that they will be one day.

From Jesus' Burial by Max Lucado

But then, Sunday arrives. And with Sunday comes light—a light within the tomb. A bright light? A soft light? Flashing? Hovering? We don’t know. But there was a light. For he is the light. And with the light came life. Just as the darkness was banished, now the decay is reversed. Heaven blows and Jesus breathes. His chest expands. Waxy lips open. Wooden fingers lift. Heart valves swish and hinged joints bend.


And, as we envision the moment, we stand in awe.


We stand in awe not just because of what we see, but because of what we know… We know that when Jesus was raised from the dead it was a signal of the end of death-as-the-end. Never again will death have the last word. When Jesus died, he took sin down with him, but alive he brings God down to us” (Rom. 6:5–9 MSG).

Birthday Celebrations

"If you ever leave me, baby,
Leave some morphine at my door
Cause it would take a whole lot of medication
To realize what we used to have,
We don't have it anymore."  It Will Rain by Bruno Mars

It's starting again.  The time when I can't hear or see anything that doesn't remind me of Blaine.  Two weeks from this Friday and we will be at 2 years.  2 years.  I remember how slow that first year went.  I thought life would never move on, that I would be stuck there forever.  The second year has moved much faster.  And I have had so much joy and happiness in it.  I still cry but not everyday.  I still wonder why.  I haven't had any moments of rage lately.  Today sort of but it was fleeting.  It's hard to be sad around Caleb.  I started crying today listening to this song and to another but Caleb immediately came over and smothered me with kisses.  I am healed in so many ways. 

We are going back to Florida for another family vacation soon.  The same vacation we had planned when I was pregnant with Blaine, the one we left for three days after.  Driving the same roads, staying at the same resort, shopping and eating at the same places.  A lot about that trip is a blur to me.  I look at the photos and I think I faked a smile pretty well.   I do remember certain things very vividly.  Mostly the sad moments.  I remember the bathroom stall at the pool that I used to go and cry in.  I remember sucking in my gut when I ordered a pina colado so that no one would think I was pregnant.  I remember how bad the cramps got while we were shopping, so bad I thought I was hemorraging.  I remember driving there and making a mental note of all the hospital signs we saw just in case something else happened.  What I remember the most was the sense that I had forgotten something.  When I packed, unpacked, when I walked into a room, when we drove somewhere.  I kept thinking to myself "what did I forget?" 
I have to admit, I'm incredibly nervous to go back.  I really didn't want to but hubby insisted on this vacation spot.  I'm afraid I'm going to be miserable going back there.  I was talking to my friend on the phone the other night and she said that she thought it would be good.  That I would be going back and creating good memories to replace the old.  I'm trying to look at it from that perspective.  I'm really scared though that it's just going to be another week of faking it.  Faking smiles to cover the fact that I am nauseaus and sad and angry.  Plus, we're going with my mom, my sister and law and her two kids.  Talk about stress! 

And then there's Blaine's birthday to contend with.  Obviously I will want to do something.  But what?  And how am I going to feel that day?  It's hard enough to plan a living child's birthday party! 
If you have read this far then you are a true friend!  lol   The problem with taking a break is that when you do write you have a lot to say! 

My Two Cents

I don't know if I actually expect anyone to read this as it's rather long winded but I had to get it off my chest!  If you do read it you will probably disagree with me.  Feel free to comment either way. 

Surprise surprise another article has been published admonishing the lives and grief of the baby loss community.  This one was written by Anne Kingston and published at Macleans.ca.  Here is the article

http://www2.macleans.ca/2012/02/29/the-mourning-after/

The gist of the article is that there is a growing trend of fetus fetishizing.  Women who miscarry are grieving very publicly at the risk of making others uncomfortable and at the risk of delaying their own healing process.  Good God, even Jayz mentioned a miscarriage in a rap song!  I can almost forgive him for closing down an entire hospital wing so his child could be born without interruption.

I think the first thing we need to do is take a step back and realize why this article is being written at this time, in this culture.  I cannot be the only one who realizes that this is part of the movement to squash the reopening of the abortion debate.  In the US the abortion debate is in full swing.  In Canada there are inklings that it will be.  The only reason articles like this are being written, the only reason the way parents grieve is being judged, is because pro abortionists do not want to admit that there is life before birth.  It is a fetus, a sac of tissue, as one woman put it on a FB group, "an abortion is like exfoliating, you don't cry over dead cells."  If an abortionist were to admit that yes, these are children, loved and wanted, at any gestation, then how would they say it was okay to end their lives?  They can't admit that.  And so they go on the attack, belittling and berating grieving parents.  How dare you grieve and cry over something that never really existed?  That is the point of view that articles like this are coming from.

For me, this is a personal attack.  My son was 17 weeks and 3 days gestation.  Under the laws of the land he was not a human being.  He deserved no gov't birth certificate or death certificate.  To the public he quite simply did not and does not exist.  If I had not claimed his body from the hospital and had him cremated privately he would have been disposed of with the medical waste.  Seriously.  I'm not exagerrating.  My hospital release papers said I suffered an "inevitable abortion."  That is what they call a loss before 20 weeks here. 

Another issue the author brings up is having photos around or sending out birth announcements.  I have no photos of Blaine.  I wish I did.  If I did I would probably not share them publicly.  It's a personal decision and I would never judge a parent for doing so.  I think we need to respect the feelings of the parents who want to share their photos and their stories.  But and most people are not going to like this, we also have to respect the people who don't want to see the photos.  Someone wrote on FB that if their Grandmother died they wouldn't remove the photo from their desk at work.  True.  You wouldn't take a photo of her in the coffin though and put it on your desk.  Pictures of dead babies are beautiful to me, they aren't gross, they are sad and sweet and tragic.  Maybe I treasure them because I have none of my own.  I know though that if I did have one of Blaine most people would not feel the same way.  I wouldn't hide it in my own home but I wouldn't send it out to people in a birth announcement and I wouldn't take it to a place of business.  Work is work, not your home.  And yes, it annoys me when people have a million pics of their living kids around too.  "look there's my kid putting on socks" "there's my kid eating a cheerio!"  They're only interesting to the moms!  Some people are not comfortable with death, even some people who have lost a child.  

This article is just part of a growing trend.  As the abortion debate spreads so will the attacks. 
Stop sharing stuff like this on FB.  It hurts people to read it.  I have a pretty tough skin.  You can say whatever you want to me and I will shrug it off.  Others will let it ruin their whole week.  One of my FB friends said she couldn't sleep after reading it.  So, why spread the hate?
Don't try to educate people online!  Haters gonna hate.  I would say, with the exception of the Dr's who perform the abortions, people who are pro abortion are uneducated about fetal development and they are uneducated about abortion methods.  They will never see the other point of view.
You need a place in your life that isn't about loss.  A place that is just about joy and silliness and life. 

No one should be made to feel like their baby didn't matter.  Like it wasn't real, didn't exist.  I didn't exfoliate on April 13 2010, I gave birth. 

A Baby's Secret

I’m just a little fellow
Who didn’t quite make it there
I went straight to be with Jesus
... But I’m waiting for you here.
Don’t you fret about me mommy
I’m of all God’s lambs, most blessed
I’d have loved to stay there with you
But the shepherd knows what’s best.


Many dwellings here where I live
waited years to enter in
Struggled through a world of sorrow
and their lives were marred with sin.


So sweet mommy don’t you sorrow
Wipe those tears and chase the gloom
I went straight to Jesus’ bosom
from my lovely mother’s womb.
Thank you for the name you gave me
I’d have loved to brought it fame
But if I’d lingered in earth’s shadows
I’d might instead have brought it shame.

Daddy gave me something for you
It’s our secret mommy dear
He pressed it tight against my forehead
and whispered in my ear.


I’d be waiting for you mommy,
you, and Daddy and my sis.
I’ll be with you then forever
Then I’ll give you Daddy’s kiss.


© Elsie Diamond. All Rights Reserved.
I absolutely love this. It was shared by a FB group this morning called "Grieving Mothers"

Thankful for the Small Things

Psalm 104: 27,28

*All creatures look to you to give them their food at the proper time. When you give it to them, they gather it up; when you open your hand, they are satisfied with good things.*

I wanted to write a quick post and link up with Fran's "Small Miracles" from Small Bird Studio. 



What are the small things in life that bring me joy?  That make life worth living? 

If I took this to the very smallest of things in my life I would say coffee!  I am thankful for coffee, some mornings I wake up and it's the very first thing I think of.  I can taste it and smell it before I've brewed it or bought it. 

Thinking bigger.  Abby and Caleb and Hubby.  I am so so thankful for my little living family.  The family that I get to love and enjoy everyday.  When I think of Abby I am most thankful for her laugh and for her sweet heart.  She has such an infectious laugh.  You can't hear it and not laugh along with her.  It is loud and girly and demands attention.  C, his kisses and hugs.  They are normally messy and violent.  He grabs my face with both hands and pulls me to him, smashes his lips against me and smooshes them all around.  He makes a sound like "mum mum mum," as if he's trying to eat my face.  I could sit and kiss this kid for hours.  Hubby, watching him take care of us, especially when he does things I know he hates like change diapers or sweep the floor.  I know he is doing it to make things easier for me.  You know what's sexy?  A man doing housework and taking care of kids!  There are so many small things I am thankful for each day and I honestly try to make an attempt to notice them and thank God for them.  I read this poster that said "What if you woke up tomorrow with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?"  With that in mind I try never to go to bed without giving God his glory and letting him know what I appreciate in my life.  I even try to include Blaine in each prayer of gratitude.  Thankful to God for giving him to me and for the lessons that came with his short life and death. 

Those are my small moments.  This is our day to day life.  Kisses and laughter and dirty dishes.

Pay It Forward

I had this on FB and no one replied so I thought I'd put it here...

Pay It Forward 2012.  For the first FIVE ppl that comment I will make a homemade gift for you.  The only catch is that you do the same for someone else.  And gifts must be sent out by end of year.

2011 Wrap Up

I was on the fence about doing this but thought it would be a good chance for me to really look back at the year that just passed and to look forward to the year that's come.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
~ give birth to a live baby boy!

2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
~ I don't normally make them and didn't last year but this year I have decided on a goal and a resolution.  My goal is to be able to do a proper push up with Abby sitting on my back.  My resolution is to take better care of myself, physically, mentally and spiritually.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

~ me
~ some friends


4. Did anyone close to you die?
~ our family dog, who btw was mourned more than my son...my parents even got bereavement cards!

5. What countries/states did you visit?
~ nowhere


6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
~ a thinner waist! 
~ more time just being with my family, not stressing or worrying or planning, just being

7. What dates/events from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
~ April 13th - Blaine's birthday; May 27th - Caleb's birth; being home all summer with Abby;


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
~ Caleb! 
~ breastfeeding
~ still having a great Christmas without wasting money


9. What was your biggest failure
~ not being at my weight loss goal by New Year

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
~ no thank God this was a healthy year


11. What was the best thing you bought?
~ can't think of anything...I guess saving money for our trip next year


12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
~ I'll just repeat last year cause it's the same...my fellow blm's who embraced me and got me through the worst; my husband; my daughter


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
~ again, won't name names

14. Where did most of your money go?
~ food and daycare fees


15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
~ having a baby
~ raising a boy
~ watching the kids play together and hug and kiss
~ working out


16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
~ Everyone Watched the Wedding by Jim Cuddy
~ Rolling in the Deep by Adele
~ Give Me Everything by Pitbull and NeYo


17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? much much happier
b) thinner or fatter? thinner
c) richer or poorer? poorer in cash flow; richer in spirit

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
~ take time to be thankful for what I have
~ play with my daughter, I never play with her enough, there is never enough time
~ craft projects


19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
~ worry


20. How did you spend Christmas?
~ cooking and cleaning


21. Which blogspot people did you meet this year?
~ only one IRL, Dana but I've met other BLM's who are not on Blogger

22. Did you fall in love in 2011?

~ no, I was already there


23. How many one-night stands?
~ none


24. What was your favourite TV program?
~ Vampire Diaries and Terra Nova and General Hospital of course


25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
~ no I dislike the same ppl


26. What was the best book you read?
~ still finishing the series "Game Of Thrones"

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

~ Adele?  maybe


28. What did you want and get?
~ a beautiful healthy living baby boy


29. What did you want and not get?
~ enough cash to be a stay at home mom


30. What was your favourite film of this year?
~ not sure, saw a couple fairly good ones


31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
~ turned 33, went to the spa, dinner with the family

32. What is one thing that would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

~ can't think of anything, all in all it was a pretty good year


33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
~ the leaky boob?!?


34. What kept you sane?
~ God, friends, writing


35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
~ not sure cause I don't really follow celebrity stuff...maybe Tim Tebow or Max Lucado or Stephen Harper?
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
~ abortion


37. Who did you miss?
~ Blaine, always Blaine


38. Who was the best new person you met?
~ Akemi, although technically I met her in 2010


39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:
~ you will heal if you allow yourself