Day 6: How do you answer the question of how many children you have?
It really depends on who is asking and how much time I have. I hate to ever deny Blaine existed but if a clearly pregnant woman is asking or I'm somewhere enjoying someone else's day like a wedding or shower, I don't want to spoil it. You don't want to tell a pregnant woman you have a dead baby. I know when I was pregnant with Abby and Blaine it would have been the last thing I wanted to hear (well other than "you're having a miscarriage"). I will answer honestly though if I don't care how the other person feels or if it's someone who should know better.
Personally this is a question I will never ask again. I will never put another parent in the position of having to answer. I will also never ask the following: "when are you planning on starting a family?" (they may be trying desperately) or "so you never wanted children of your own?" (who knows how many losses they had before giving up).
On a side note and because my blood is boiling I have to rant about this. Okay yes yes yes, I openly admit I judge other parents. Especially since losing Blaine. No, I am not perfect, I've made mistakes with my kids. Who knows why Blaine died, something I did? Maybe. I don't expect other parents to be perfect but if you're not even going to try then what's the point? What set this off? Seeing another parent get out of a taxi cab with a small toddler and NO CAR SEAT. Yes, it's a taxi but guess what, look up the law, car seats are still required! And even if they weren't why would you not use one because you WANT TO PROTECT YOUR KIDS!! Do taxis have a magical bubble around them to protect kids from injury? Have drunk drivers and speeders and reckless motorists all signed a treaty to steer clear of taxis? Unfortunately this is going to be one of those things where some poor kids are going to have to be brutally killed in an accident before stupid people take notice. I am tempted to call the police and get the number for traffic violations and then call it and report the cab companies every time I see this happen from now on. Maybe I'm overreacting but I'm a little sensitive at the sight of parents playing russian roulette with their kids lives just so they don't have to take the bus.
3 comments:
While I agree with you about the necessity of having a child in a car seat at all times while in a vehicle, just so you know, taxis like buses are considered 'public transit' and thus do not have the same laws as personal vehicles. Therefore you don't actually by law require a car seat in a taxi. Just so you know before going and making a lot of calls to cab companies.
Check it out here:
http://www.mto.gov.on.ca/english/faq/safety.shtml
I'm surprised they changed that. When my daughter was younger someone took her in a cab (without my consent) and when I looked it up then it said that the taxi cab had no legal responsibility but the parents/caregiver still did.
I like the title of this post. It is the dreaded question from hell. No matter how I answer it, I think about it after and if I should have answered it differently. I do the same as you. If it is a pregnant woman, I wouldn't bring up the babies I've lost. So far I've always said that I do have children when other's ask. If they ask more details, I tell them my son died and tell them more if they ask. It is always awkward though.
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