I finally have Blaine back. My chain had broken while I was in labour, just the clasp, and I had to get it replaced. I finally picked it up from the jeweller today and Blaine is back on my chest, not quite "where he belongs" but as close as I get. I resisted the urge to tell the jeweller all about it and what it means to me. He's an acquaintance of hubby's and I didn't want to freak him out by telling him I carry my son's ashes around my neck everyday. If he were a stranger I probably would have. It is now fixed and apparently this is quite a good clasp and I should have a problem with it again. The other clasp literally just fell apart when I undid the necklace while I was in labour. Weird.
I'm still in a pretty good place. I've had a couple of moments over the past few days where I've teared up thinking of B. They are normal thoughts though and normal longings. I don't feel like I'm in a dark place. For the most part I am happy. My little rainbow monkey is thriving. I got a really nice gift in the mail from Bailey's Momma, Danae. She knit him a blankie and sent him a shirt that says "Little Brother" on it. And a nice card saying how proud Blaine would be of his little brother and how he's watching over him. I like to think so. That Blaine is Abby and Caleb's personal angel. With them always. We were at the park on Sunday and Abby did another one of her phenomenally amazing things. She was blowing bubbles and she told the bubbles to fly up and say hi to Blaine for her. God, how I love this kid. We are going to a butterfly release on Sunday with the local bereavement group hubby and I attended last year. Abby is really excited to send butterflies up to her brother. I told her she can whisper a message to the butterfly and he will fly up and give Blaine the message.
I feel like the worst commenter right now but it's not my fault, I swear!! I am reading everyone's blogs but unless there is a separate pop up window for comments I can't comment. Don't know why. But I'm here and reading in case you're wondering.
2 comments:
I'm so glad you have Blaine back. I think I would have been worried the whole time the necklace was out of my sight. I know I've said this many times, but Abby is amazing! I love everything she does! I'd love to know what she whispers to the butterfly. Ted and I won't be there afterall. Ted just doesn't want to go and I'm having a bit of trouble with the question of how the butterflies are treated (I just don't know, but I've heard things). I also feel guilty for not going too, as if Jacob will feel less important. I'm am guilt ridden all over the place. And it's Ben's birthday party that day.
I hope the butterfly release is good. Sorry I was looking forward to seeing you again. Maybe over the summer?
i absolutely LOVE that you wear the ashes!
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