Tuesday

I hate Tuesdays. My son was born on a Tuesday. Every Tuesday is a fresh reminder.

Today I am a little uplifted though. Well I guess on one hand I feel really good but on one hand I feel a little bitter. What I feel great about: Today is not the worst Tuesday morning I've had. We received a beautiful care package from Angel Whispers... www.members.shaw.ca/angelwhispers in the mail yesterday. It's a beautiful care package. It had poems and a newsletter. It had something just for Daddy's. It had a cute little bear with blue angel wings and a bottle of lavender calming lotion. And the two most important things: one, a birth certificate for Blaine!! We never got one from the government because he was not yet 21 weeks. Now he has a birth certificate. Recognition. That means so much to Momma. And two, a sympathy card. No one else gave us a sympathy card, not a friend, not a family member. I love this package. I love the people at Angel Whispers for doing this. I once saw an interview with Bono and he said "Don't ask God to bless what you're doing, instead find out what God is doing cause it's already blessed." Angel Whispers, this is what God is doing.

Now what I am bitter about...Pre Blaine's loss I was kind of a snob about internet socializing and groups. I wasn't one to join message boards and try to meet people online. Post Blaine's loss I am so grateful for the support I've received online. The fact that there are so many strangers out there who are willing to take time out of their lives to comfort me and honour my son is something that I will always remember and love about this world. It is also something that is a little upsetting. I know my friends and family care, and they've all given me the "call me if you need anything" schpiel. I know for the most part they just don't know what to say or do. And if I ask them to say or do something I'm sure most of them will. But I don't feel like I should have to call and ask for something. It would be nice if just one person did something without me having to ask. I almost cried when I opened the sympathy card, it's the only one we received. And if you're my friend reading this, no don't send me a sympathy card now, it's too late!! I have one friend who I poured my heart out to and asked to do something for my son and she said she would and then didn't. So, I guess that's how important we are to her. Maybe I am expecting too much from people. I know people are busy with their own lives and dramas. But this was my son. And he's dead. I don't think anyone fully comprehends that. MY SON IS DEAD. And because I care about these people I hope they never comprehend how I feel.