Getting a little Religious

I spend a lot of time going over blogs. Mostly blogs of baby loss mama's. I guess I've become kind of hooked on them. I came across one today which really disturbed me. I'm not going to give the title or anything specific about it. It actually made me feel more sorry for this poor woman than I do for even myself. She has lost her baby and she is so angry. From her blog it seems she has no joy in her life. She just seems angry and hateful about everything. I have those moments too, when life seems so bad. But I can't imagine being consumed by it. I think I said before...when I lost Blaine I knew I had really only one place to turn. I can't imagine how hard it must be to not have that support. As much as I am grieving, as sad and lost as I feel sometimes...I know that I'll see my son again. I know that he is not gone from my life forever. I can't imagine the despair I would feel if I didn't have this certainty. If I thought my son had just vanished into nothingness. If I thought that those 17 weeks would be all he ever had. I guess I would also be very angry and very hateful of the world around me. I feel so sad for this woman because she truly feels as if she has completely lost her child. I can't imagine how horrible that must feel. I don't know if my son is an "angel" although that is a nice thought. I do know where he is though.

The first thing I did when I decided I needed help with this was call a Pastor I knew when I was younger. I went to meet with him and talk to him about it. He gave me a book called "Safe in the Arms of God" by John MacArthur. It was very helpful. I had no doubt that my son was in Heaven but it was reassuring that other people felt that too. I know in some religions they don't believe that babies go to Heaven. In the book the author talks about King David (who is coincidentally my favourite biblical character), King David lost two sons (that we hear about). David had a son with a woman named Bathsheba. The infant was very sick and David worried the entire time. He suffered worrying about his baby. His child died at just 7 days old. When David heard the news he stopped grieving. He said " I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me." David grieved wondering what would happen to the poor infant but once the child was gone he knew he could not bring his child back. He took comfort knowing that one day he would join him in Heaven. This story while sad was a comfort to me. My child was a perfect being. There is no doubt of where he is right now. And while I'm very sad wishing he was here with me I know I shall go to him.