Hubby and I took a well deserved mini vacation to Niagara Falls this weekend. Took lots of pics, some for Blaine and some for my fellow baby loss mama's. It felt so good to get away for the weekend. Coming back to reality is tough though. I can already feel the anxiety creeping back in. It was nice to pretend to be normal and healthy for awhile. I can already feel the anxiety creeping back in. My plan this week is to do a kind of detox...cut back on the coffee, sleep, eat healthy, get some exercise. I have been eating so much sugar and drinking tons of coffee just to keep going. As I write this I'm eating a slab of peanut butter and chocolate fudge. I've got to stop this.We booked the "romance package" at the hotel so our room had one of those incredibly cheesy red heartshaped jacuzzi tubs...and mirrors everywhere!! On the wall behind the jacuzzi, on the ceiling!! and across from the bed. It was very cheesy but kind of cute. Unfortunately it was also kind of depressing. I don't really look in the mirror much. I know how sad I look. I know how what my body issues are right now. I have totally let myself go these past two months. Yes, I was four months pregnant but I have nothing to show for that. I'm basically fat for no reason. That was depressing. My big tummy is just a reminder that I went home with nothing. I'm just fat...not pregnant...not a new mom. Since I lost Blaine my face has broken out in some serious acne too. Most days I can ignore it cause I don't look in the mirror. So, I'm fat and pimply faced. And I'm sitting here eating fudge to make me feel better.
1 comment:
Elaine - it made my day to open my e-mail and find the picture you did for Bailey. I love it, and I wanted to thank you! That was so kind and thoughtful of you!
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