Alright so I sort of fell behind on the 30 days posts! I will do a blitz sometime and catch myself up. I decided to take the long turkey weekend offline and just relax and sleep and spend time with my family. I've eaten enough turkey and mashed potatoes and stuffing to last me until Christmas at least! And then I went and got chicken for lunch, go figure. My daughter loves turkey and has been eating turkey sandwiches all weekend. I asked her what she wanted for breakfast yesterday morning and she wanted a toasted egg and turkey sandwich! Aren't I the one supposed to be having the weird cravings?
Went to mother in laws on Sunday. I did a visual scan looking for Blaine's memorial card. We gave her a copy. She doesn't have it up in the living room. I'm hoping she has it in her room but all of Abby's pics are in the living room and I think B's footprints should be too. But I wasn't going to say anything. Some people handle things differently.
I'm missing him a lot these past few days. I went to a sub shop today and realized the last time I was there I was pregnant with Blaine. And being pregnant reminds me of being pregnant with Blaine of course. Everything I do I think I've done this before. This time last year I was anticipating when we would start trying for the baby. I had been waiting years. I knew one more month to go and I could start getting pregnant! I was so excited.
I've been so sick and just keep saying to everyone "I better get something out of it this time." Which I know sounds kind of bitter but I mean it. I don't mind going through this physical and mental stress if I get rewarded in the end. I told hubby this is it. This is our last chance for another baby. I can't be one of those women who have like 10 losses. Whether this baby comes home alive with us or not I'm not getting pregnant again. It was a tough decision to make but I think for my mental health it is the best thing I can do.
1 comment:
Praying and thinking of you, Elaine.
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