The Most Beautiful Ear in the World

This week was a fairly stressful week on one hand and a week of healing on the other. It was stressful making cremation plans for Blaine. But I have been healed in so many ways. For those who don't believe in miracles, there was no paperwork or any reason why the hospital still had Blaine. I know that God was keeping him there until I was ready to say "see you later." (never goodbye) The funeral home picked Blaine up at the hospital on Wednesday and I got to see him. I didn't see him when he was born except for the second he was delivered and I really only remember seeing his head at that point. The hospital had him immediately embalmed so he still looked the same. Because I had not seen him I of course had googled images of 17 week old fetuses! I thought I had a pretty good idea of what they looked like. I was pleasantly surprised that Blaine didn't look like them. He looked like a baby just really miniature. He was lying in a beautiful white box on a white linen sheet. He was on his left side. The first thing I noticed and became fixated on was his perfect ear. It was still skin tone. It was perfectly formed and it was the most beautiful ear I've ever seen in my life. He had huge feet too! Like flippers. He has these skinny little calves and then these flippers at the bottom of them! I love it, Big Sis was born with big feet too. He was leaning on left hand just like he was using it for a pillow. He was in the fetal position. Luckily the funeral director was able to do footprints but they weren't able to do handprints. He is at the crematorium now. We will most likely get him back on Monday although they've warned me that we may not get anything back. Blaine is the smallest baby they have ever cremated and he has no bone structure. It is the bone that makes the ash. So, if we do get any ash it will be less than half a teaspoon and that would be a miracle. This doesn't really bother me though. The important thing for me was that I got to see him and I got to make the plans for him. I feel like a ton of weight has been lifted off of me. And I can't thank God enough for this.
Last night I had dinner with two friends and it was nice to be able to talk about him and to tell them about his little ear and how happy I am now that I got to see him.
I have my tattoo all planned out now. It's going to have a sunflower and his little footprints and it's going to be an arm band wrapped around just above the wrist. If I'm not pregnant in September I'll probably get it then.