"Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure.And I know there'll be no more...
Tears in heaven
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven "
I am thinking that Blaine is not sad. Blaine will never feel too cold or too hot. He will never break a bone or skin a knee. I do not have to worry about Blaine being kidnapped or molested or bullied or dumped by a woman he loves. Blaine will never shed a tear of sadness. He will never have a regret. He will never have a growing pain or a pimple or a fight with a friend. Blaine will not have money problems or homework problems. He will not have to serve his country or struggle to provide for a family.
Blaine is warm. His days are filled with sunshine and at night he is a lit in the glow of a million stars. He has enough of everything he needs. He has a strong body and a loving soul. He is bathed in God's warmth. He has walked along the beach with Jesus skipping stones. He is planting his Momma a lily garden. He has a beautiful voice and uses it to sing with the angels. Blaine is happy.
I cannot begrudge him that.
He is exactly where we should all be. And where we would all be if it weren't for that darn apple and a woman's bad choice. I cannot be sad about that.
Today I am trying to look at the upside to things. The bad things Blaine will miss out on and the good things he is living with. Today I am trying not to focus on what I have lost and on my sadness.
I have been given a second chance to honour and memorialize my boy. To release him into God's loving arms. To let him know I am not saying goodbye but see you later.
I want to thank everyone who commented on yesterday's post "An Answered Prayer." It brought tears to my eyes to read the comments and to know that you are all here for me. Too often the word "love" is thrown around without any real meaning. I want you to know that I truly love you all and pray for you daily. That you have strength and joy and that our rainbow babies are not far off. I wish we all lived close by so we could have dinner together! Please see the page titled "name request." I would love to do something to honour your little ones.
3 comments:
This is beautiful. I have had an awful day so far and your post has brightened it a little. I have also tried to think of all the bad things that Jacob will not have to go through now and all of the good things he will always experience, but your post expressed it so eloquently.
I heard that song on the radio the other day. When it first came out after his son died, I thought how sad it was. Now I know how sad it is and I've never listened to the song as intently as I did a few days ago.
I heard the song as I was driving up north, as the song was playing we passed "Blaine's Automotives"
it breaks my heart to think of all the things kenny will not get to do, but i appreciate your giving me new perspective, as far as all the physical and emotional pains he will never have to endure. that gives me a tiny bit of peace. thank you for that.
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