An Answered Prayer

After we had Blaine we made the very wrong decision not to spend any time with him or take photos with him. We were in such shock and couldn't deal with holding our dead baby. Since he was not yet 20 weeks we were not obligated to have a funeral or service. We decided at the time that the best thing for us to do was to walk away. I let the doctors take him and I have regretted this decision since I got home from the hospital. I feel like a horrible mother. I just left him and walked away. I didn't even know what the hospital did with his body. I have assumed for the past 16 weeks that they would have disposed of him like medical waste. I know that sounds harsh. I have been in touch with a wonderful woman from a Bereavement group we go to. We were hoping the hospital had taken a photo or an ultrasound photo and kept it in my file. She was able to get in touch with the hospital on our behalf. Blaine is still there!! He is in the laboratory at the hospital and has been since birth. We can now have him picked up by a funeral home and we can do a proper service for him. I actually cried tears of joy when I read the email. "Blaine is still with us." This is an answered prayer. I have been praying for some peace from the guilt, for a way to honour my son and God answered me. We will be getting in touch with the funeral home this week and having him cremated. My husband came up with the wonderful idea of me getting a pendant to carry his ashes in on my necklace. And the rest we will get a small jar for and have with his candle holder and painting. I feel so relieved and I already feel like some of the guilt is being shed. I can finally give my son the goodbye he deserves.