The Best and the Worst

Well 2010 is over. Not quite out with a bang but gone none the less. So far 2011 is looking good! lol Too soon to tell I guess since it's only day 2. 2010 will always be remembered by me as a bittersweet year. A year of great joy and great sorrow. I feel like I'm starting a Dickens novel, "it was the best of times it was the worst of times." 2010 was the year I gave life to two children. 2011 will decide if I bring one of them home. It was the year I hit the lowest point I ever thought I could hit. I never thought in my life I would walk into a complete strangers office and fall apart so completely. I never thought I'd be one of those people who had to take time off work for mental reasons. I never thought I'd eagerly wait by the phone for someone to call me to tell me my son's ashes were ready for pickup. I remember these things like they were yesterday. The Thursday nights from Hell. Hubby would be at baseball and I'd put Abby to bed and I'd sit in front of the computer and cry and scream and shake. Those first few months I just kept everything bottled in all week. Pretended to be "over it" and back to normal. But every Thursday night I'd allow myself that release. Reading blogs and poems and songs about loss. I remember those nights like they were yesterday.
2010 was also a year of blessings though. After every storm there is a rainbow after all. If I ever doubted my husband's love for me that doubt was erased. He held me together so many times. His love for me and all his kids is something I am so grateful for, everyday. In 2010 I got pregnant with Caleb and as I type this I can feel him squirming around in there. 2010 was the year we took Abby to Disney. We walked into Disney exactly one week after I delivered Blaine. Strange thing to do but oddly helpful. Watching a 5 year old in total awe and wonder makes crying and sadness almost impossible. Watching her go down the water slide at the hotel was worth every penny spent on the trip. In some ways 2010 was one of the best years of my life. I learnt so much about life, family and myself. While I'm glad it's over it will certainly never be forgotten.