Rambling

Nothing is better than a lazy Saturday. I love them. Taking Abby to karate and then coming home, relaxing, maybe some cleaning, some internet time, some tea or coffee and maybe a pastry from the bakery. Nothing to do but relax and enjoy the day off work.
Tomorrow we are decorating our place for Christmas. I love Christmas which is why I will probably mention it everyday until the 28th! I can't wait to decorate and watch Abby putting the ornaments on the tree. We went to a craft sale and she picked out a homemade butterfly ornament for Blaine. We wrote his name on it. I'm glad I get to involve her in these things. It's comforting to see her remembering him and talking about him. I know she will carry him with her for all of her life.
At karate today there was a new little guy in class and him and his mom were playing before class started. It broke my heart a little because I would love to be playing and cuddling with Blaine, chasing him around, tickling him and twirling him in the air. I know one day I will get to but it doesn't seem soon enough. Believing in heaven makes things much easier but it seems so far away sometimes.
This post is everywhere but that's my head these days. I am everywhere and feeling everything. Blogs are a mixed bag because I am a mixed bag.
Tomorrow is my birthday so hubby and I are shipping Abby off to Grandmas and spending a quiet evening together. This might be TMI but we haven't "you know" since I found out I was pregnant. I'm terrified we'll pop something. I know that sounds extremely paranoid but I feel like I need to keep that area specifically for the baby right now. So, that leaves me feeling very self conscious and my self esteem is kind of taking a hit. I'm really fat right now. I'm not "you knowing" with him. I feel like I'm a horrible wife right now but for the immediate present I need to be all about me.
So, I am rambling. Sometimes you got to!
I hope she doesn't mind me doing this but I'm asking anyone reading this to please stop for a minute and say a prayer for my BLM friend Dana. She is having a rough time right now and my heart is broken for her. If you've read this post please stop right now and pray for her. Let our prayers send Jesus himself to her to surround her with love and hugs.