30 Days Blitz!!

I think I got the photos backwards but anyways. The top photo is one of me recently. Not too recently, July 3rd. My hubby and I took a trip to Niagara Falls. It was a nice and needed weekend away.

The second photo is not quite ten years, six probably. It's me and my friend Kaili, chilling at a friends house, probably going out that night.

The bottom photo is one of me after Blaine. It is my favourite place in the whole world. Up at Papa's house! I love being up there, no work, no responsibility, relaxation, sleepy days. Can't wait to move up there one day!

Question 12 is something I am ocd about: I wouldn't say I'm normally OCD about anything. On my worst moments I tend to focus on trivial things like whether the fish tank will break and flood the appt or I'll check the balcony door a bunch of times and make sure it's locked. I find I get ocd when I'm losing control of important things in my life. Like when Blaine died. I started to focus on stupid little things that I knew I could control because I knew I couldn't control the important stuff.

Question 13 is a fictional book that is important to me since my loss: The Twilight series. If Renesmee can survive than surely I can have one more living child right?!? lol Seriously, not any really. I reread "The Hour I First Believed" by Wally Lamb and had a new appreciation for it but I don't think it's gained any more importance in my life.

Today is Blaine's 6 month angelversary! I thought I'd be more upset, that it would hit me harder. But I actually found myself thinking of all of the good moments I had. The enjoyment I got being pregnant with him. I missed him a little more today but in a good way, not in a fall to my knees "why me" kind of way. I cuddled with his ultrasound photo and fell asleep last night. I realized it was a long time since I had done that. I think the worst of my grief is over. I don't want Blaine's life to be remembered as this horrific moment in time when I thought I'd go mad. I want to focus on everything good that came out of it. I know I will see Blaine again so I just have to hold on to my good thoughts and wait. I'm sure it's not goodbye to all of the tough times completely. But I've realized that I'm strong enough to make it through. Eye on the prize!