For a Tuesday I can't complain. I actually forgot it was Tuesday until my lunch break. Then I was taking a walk and remembered. But instead of being sad this time I was actually relieved and a bit happy. I'm glad it didn't stick me like a knife to remember. I really only had one ouchy moment today. Today is back to school for most kids and as I stood waiting for an elevator, staring blankly at the tv I saw on the news a lucky mom dropping her kid off at school, carrying a little baby in a sling. Ouch. That should be me. I should have Blaine in a sling. We should have walked big sis to school today, maybe his first outing since coming home from the hospital? Would have been a really nice way to spend my day. Instead I am working. Are all of these "what if's" and "if only's" going to last forever? Will I ever be able to pass a milestone or celebrate a special occasion again without wondering what it would be like to have B with me? To be sad that something is missing. I worked slowly on my scrapbook page last night. Can't do anymore tonight because I am going out for a well needed glass of wine and creme brulee! And I am starting a new project up on the DBC so will need to work on that later.
Can't wait to go up north this weekend and spend sometime with Blaine's Papa. Oh how he would have loved his grandson. I wonder if Blaine would have run to him and hugged him as hard as big sis does.
2 comments:
I hope you have a wonderful weekend up north.
I hope you are having a good weekend!
I have talked to friends from boards that have been part of this journey for 20+ years, and they have told me that even now they still think the "what-if" and "if-only". I don't think it ever will go away, but I think it will lessen with time.
Thinking of you and Blaine, and hoping this upcoming week is gentle on you!
Sending you love and hugs!!!
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