36 weeks...Almost

Eye on the prize. I can almost see it now, bringing home a little baby. A living, squirming, farting, crying, eating, pink little boy. My anxiety right now is through the roof. Every pain is something wrong. Every two hours I'm counting his movements. Sunday was rough. He wasn't moving like he normally does and I thought for sure my placenta had seperated and he was suffocating. I had a total breakdown and just started crying. My hubby must think I'm insane sometimes! I know I know I'm a drama queen. He paid me back by staying up after midnight, keeping me up by bouncing on my bladder and stomach so I had to pee and eat a handful of antacids. Yesterday he was back to normal. I figure it was because I had an upset stomach on Sunday and that was probably affecting him too. Last night again with the heartburn though. I didn't fall asleep until after 1am. I understand 100% how lucky I am right now. I would not give this up for anything in the world. BUT... I am soooo tired of being pregnant!! Not just for physical reasons but for emotional as well. I just want him home with us. I just want him safe. I don't trust this body of mine. It's actually kind of funny because as I got to this point with my daughter I just wanted to keep her inside me. As eager as I was to meet her, I knew she was safe there and the world suddenly seemed so strange and dangerous. I thought "let me just be pregnant forever." This is the opposite. The longer Caleb stays inside me the greater his chance of dying inside me. My body has killed half of my children. I have to get him out. We washed all of his clothes on Sunday and put them in his drawer. My hospital bag is packed. Saturday is my baby shower. He can come anytime after that.