A Party

We went to a Buck and Doe or Jack and Jill last night. Whichever you call it, basically a bachelor and bachelorette party in one. I had a pretty good time, with my bottled water and orange juice. I realized while I was there that it was exactly one year from another party. Last year on that Saturday night I went to a friend's birthday party. I remember asking everyone "you can tell I'm pregnant right? I don't just look fat." Blaine was a little bump. I danced and drank ginger ale. We all laughed at how the baby must be having a great time listening to the rythym. I remembered that as I sat last night feeling Caleb bounce around. I had one of those moments where you have to bit the insides of your cheeks to keep your eyes from welling up with tears. I also realized last night how I am an absolute pro at both deflecting the "kids" questions and/or changing the subject. Of course being so visibly pregnant everyone wanted to ask me lots of questions and find out how I was doing. Which don't get me wrong was really nice. But that sort of attention always comes with the unwanted questions, "how many kids do you have?" "is this your first pregnancy?" "are you excited about having a boy?" I still don't know what to do and I feel like these are little bombs. I try to avoid them. I don't know how to reply. On one hand you don't want to deny the existence of any of your kids but on the other hand you don't want to be the downer in the corner talking about dead babies.