A Better Day

What a week. Two more work weeks to go, can you tell I'm thrilled to be leaving? I'm actually feeling a little better now. I think I just needed a really good cry. Which I had the other night. Shut myself in the shower and allowed myself to completely fall apart. Rare for me. Usually I have to keep it together at work, keep it together in front of Abby and now I have to keep it together because Caleb feels and hears everything. But the other night it was just too much. I needed the release and it did help. I realized that my mind can really only take one thing at a time. The morbidly good thing about focusing on Blaine and his approaching "birth"day is that I am no longer feeling anxious about Caleb or Abby. I guess it's my mind's way of protecting itself from overload but while I'm focused on one grief I can't even think about anything else.
I was reading a book on husband coached labour by this doctor. Everything he said about labour I totally agreed with and it made sense. It places a lot of responsibility on the husband for making sure I'm comfy and helping to relieve my anxiety. He has a 96% success rate in his own practice. Meaning, 96% of his patients are able to go through labour with no medical interventions. I don't think many doctors can say that. I was really impressed with some of his advise and will definitely try the techniques. However, he is a bit wacky. He grew up on a farm and is all about being natural, including suggesting pregnant women not wear underwear so the vagina can breath! I thought, okay he's a bit eccentric. Then I got to the chapter on how a husband can help his wife through pregnancy loss. I had to stop reading the book when he dropped the term "natural selection." And talked about how the "womb would expel anything not viable to start over again." It was a very clinical way to talk about loss and I was appalled to be honest. I can't imagine what my husband's reaction would have been to reading that chapter after we lost Blaine. And if he had of tried to make me feel better with some of those lines from the book I would have killed him! So, the part of the book about getting through labour without intervention was great...the rest in my opinion was a big pile of crapola.