Hard Truths

We, BLM's, our community, are different then the rest of the population. That is a truth I have always thought of but just recently realized is 100% true. I'm not going to get into all of it because many people have blogged about it lately and I am pretty sure the worst is over. Basically there was this FB breast cancer "awareness" campaign where women were to put "I'm _ weeks and craving _" depending on their birthday. I personally wasn't offended by this but I still thought it was a pretty crappy thing to do. I know so many women out there struggling to either deal with a recent miscarriage or death; struggling to conceive their rainbow or even first child; struggling to deal with a loss and subsequent pregnancy at the same time. To me, this FB game spit in their face. It made a joke of it. To those who participated it was just a fun little game.
And there is the divide. All of our thoughts, desires, words, actions, needs will forever have the stamp of the baby lost on them. We will never make a decision again without thinking of what could have and should have been. We are different. It's a hard truth to accept. Or maybe for some it's a welcome one. You value something more when you know how hard it is to lose it. I will never again take my kids for granted. Never wish them away.
I am sitting here now holding back tears because it's Abby's first day back at school. As excited as I am for her to start this new chapter of her life it is time away from me. I know parents who can't wait to get their kids out the door, who have nannies and housekeepers (even when they're home) so they don't have to care for them themselves. Who complain about how much work it is to have them. And they're right, it is work. It hasn't been easy taking care of two kids all day, everyday this summer. But as hard as it was at times I wouldn't want life any other way. Here I am trying to convince Abby to skip grade one and let me home school her! Thankfully my girl is fiercely independent though so she said no. I have to let her go out and live her life.
The divide is there and yes, there are many many times we will cross it. We all have friends and family who have been there for us and who are sensitive to our special needs and concerns. We drift back and forth between grief and normalcy. There are times when no one would guess we were grieving. And then there are times when the SH*& hits the fan, like with this FB "campaign." When we need to stand together and remind people that we're still here, we still feel the loss with every breath.