Dates

Ah September. A month of beginnings. Abby starts full time school next week. Caleb and I will start to head out to drop in centres and maybe find some other babies to hang with. I like the fall weather and I've been dying to put Caleb in his little sweaters and hats. September. I am reminded daily that I SHOULD be back to work now, I SHOULD be planning a first birthday party. SHOULD I do something for what would have been Blaine's due date, September 18th. I'm actually not too sad about this. I'm just matter of fact about it. Last September was much harder. Now I think I'm at a place in my grief when I can be happy, even on sad days and with so many reminders of the shoulds.
Yesterday I did something I thought I would never ever do. I threw out the wrapping paper that Blaine's box of ashes was wrapped in and the green plastic bag that I carried him home in from the funeral home. I realized that I don't need to keep garbage. Throwing garbage away doesn't mean he's not here or that I don't love him. I would never throw away real mementos but somethings are just stuff. I was nervous I'd want to go picking through the garbage and get them back but I don't. I'm at peace.