I watched the movie "Devil" last night and one line from it has stuck with me. At the end one of the characters is explaining how he forgave someone who did something horrible to him. He says "my Grandma used to say, if you believe the devil exists then you also have to believe that God exists."
I'm such a negative person. It's not entirely my fault. I do have an anxiety disorder. However, I know I choose to focus on the negative at times. This summer I have been making a conscious effort to focus on the positive, even the things that seem simple. But I need to go bigger than that. Yes the devil exists but so does God. Yes, I have to raise my children in a not so nice neighbourhood, around people I don't want them to be anything like, with a lot going on in the world that could hurt them. Yes, something could happen to me or hubby tomorrow, or both of us. But if I spend all of my time thinking about all of those things then I'm going to miss out on enjoying all of the good things that are happening around me. What if my kids turn out great! What if they live long healthy lives! What if me and hubby are so old he has to push me around in a chair and change my catheter! I'll have wasted so much time and energy on the negative.
So, I am spending this time focusing on the good and the things that deserve my attention, such as:
a hot coffee and bagel while I write this
the way Caleb smiles at me whenever he sees me
the fact that only I can satisfy him cause all he wants is boob! he doesn't even want milk pumped into a bottle, he wants it right from the source.
Sissy being such a huge help and always wanting to be around him and play with him
how excited Sissy got when Caleb smiled at her for the first time on her birthday
the fact that my husband wants to help with the baby!!
school is out! and we have all summer for fun together, trips and days at the pool are awaiting us
There is so much more I have to be thankful for but these things in particular have sat with me for the past few days. I am truly blessed and that's what I need to remember. I wrote "lucky" instead of "blessed" but changed it. As Nicki Minaj says "no I'm not lucky I'm blessed."
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have : breastfeeding; raising wonderful human beings; early retirement
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them : none right now but used to be called Mutt, Lainey, Beanie
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future : hopefully will stay married to my hubby
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy : I still love getting name photos
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them : none right now but used to be called Mutt, Lainey, Beanie
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future : hopefully will stay married to my hubby
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy : I still love getting name photos
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