Regrets

What do you regret most about the events surrounding your loss?
If you were able to move past this regret, how did you let it go?
If you're in the process of letting it go, how are you working on this?
If you're still holding onto it, why can't you let this regret go?

I have many regrets with my pregnancy and the loss of our boy Blaine. Starting from not documenting my pregnancy enough to not handling his birth very well. I guess the thing I regret the most is how he was born and the fact that we didn't spend anytime with him. We just left him. I was lucky and got a redo, at least with having his body cared for and cremated. Looking back though I wish I could tell myself how much that time meant and what I would have liked to do with it. I am so envious of those that have photos of their children. Those that took the time to cuddle and bath and dress their babies. While Blaine would have been too small for clothes (he was the size of my hand) it would have been nice to care for him. I wish I could redo all of that. I don't think I will ever let these things go. This regret has just become a part of the new me. I walk with it, I hold it, I mourn it. I can't let it go and I don't even think I want to. I am a big believer in taking responsibility in your own actions and learning from them. This is one of those times when I have to look at what I did, what I did wrong, learn from it and keep it.