Another Weepy Day

"I don't fear none of my enemies and I don't fear bullets from oozies. I've been dealing with something that's much worse than these that'll make you fall to your knees and that's the anxiety. The sane and the insane rivalry. Paranoia's got me to my knees. Oh Lord please please please take away the anxiety." Black Eyed Peas

This song has been my anthem these past few weeks. I listen over and over again. I'm actually not feeling too bad. I felt really weepy yesterday. I think it was for more than one reason though. Yesterday was my daughters last day at daycare. She has been going to this daycare for 3 and a half years. It's her fourth daycare! The other three just didn't cut it for me. But we loved this place and they adored her. It's sad because they have really become family to us. They are one of the few places that I feel totally comfortable leaving her. In an effort to save money she'll be spending March with her Grandma and then I leave work in April for mat leave. Also, the daycare is a little out of the way so it's going to make my last month of work easier on me not having to go back and forth. I can't imagine sending her to daycare and staying home with Caleb for a year. First she'd be pretty peeved at me and second I am looking forward to spending the time with her. This will be the first summer in 5 years we've gotten to spend this much time together and I can't wait. I've already gotten them on the waiting list to go back to this daycare and they are on it as a priority for when my year is up.
Another sad thing about her leaving the daycare is that I will not be walking by the funeral home 5 days a week anymore. The funeral home that was so gentle with my boy is right across the street. Everytime I drop her off or pick her up I look over at it. I look up to the window of the room where I saw Blaine. I teared up last night. Not that I'll never go over there but it won't be all the time. I teared up looking in the parking lot and wondering which car was the managers. Which car did he ride in? I haven't really thought about that in awhile. Yesterday seemed to be the day for thinking about a lot of things that I haven't thought about in awhile. Even some dark things I won't get into now. I was just low energy and tired and as I said, weepy.
Today is a much better day though. I have finally convinced Abby to paint my big belly bump! She wants to paint a family portrait on my tummy but she wants to make herself the baby and Caleb and Blaine the big brothers. She loves her brothers but is a bit jealous that she isn't the baby anymore!