Just a Random Post

I've never had that large group of friends. I always sort of envied people who did. Especially at happy times like baby showers and weddings I thought it would be nice if I had like 20 girlfriends to go crazy with. Instead my baby shower with Abby was mostly family and my bachelorette party consisted of 6 people, one of which was my sister and another was a friend of a friend. When I lost Blaine again I thought how nice it would be to have that large group. I've realized how wrong I was. I read other blogs and see other BLM's on FB and what they have to go through. The negative comments, the critisizms, the "helpful suggestions" on how to do it next time. And I am so grateful I can count my real friends on one hand. I may only be able to fill one booth at a restaurant for my bday but I am lucky that at least those people know me well enough not to say something stupid or ignorant. My heart goes out to the BLM's who have to deal with that on top of dealing with their loss. And as I said to one, you can't have a drama free life until you get rid of the drama queens!!
Went to my mom's house on Saturday for the night. I finally brought home Blaine's clothes from there. When I was pregnant with him my Aunt sent me a box of about 8 outfits. I remember sitting on my mom's couch, barely a bump at that point and thinking of the little boy who would wear them. I did the same thing on Saturday. Sat on the same couch and looked at all of the clothes, this time with a large bump, picturing another boy in them. It was bittersweet. The clothes are almost all neutral colours but definitely more boyish. I wonder how my Aunt knew Blaine was a boy, I thought I was the only one. My parents always pick the "going home from hospital" outfit for the kids but we chose one from this box for "wearing at the hospital." So, they are all here now. Caleb has so much stuff here. I feel more confident with everyday that I will not have to box them up and put them away. I feel more and more relaxed and I'm able to see him here with us doing all the baby stuff.
My sister brought her kids over too. I actually changed my niece's diaper and fed her her bottle. It was surprisingly easy to do. Maybe because I'm pregnant. At Christmas I held her a lot but it was hard. My mom and sister kept saying how my niece would now have another baby to play with and how my nephew wouldn't be the only boy anymore. It bugs me that they just ignore Blaine's existence but I've come to accept it. Online with my BLM sisters and here at home are the only places Blaine can exist without any kind of awkwardness. He is safe here with us Moms.