Not so Bad

I saw Dr Sasquatch today. He has gotten a haircut since April 13th. Other than that he looked the same. I was sitting in the chair and he turned the corner and I looked up and there he was. I remembered how he looked when he ran into the room after Blaine was born, throwing his coat off into the chair and rushing to see Blaine. And miracle, he remembered me! He said I looked different though, I said "ya I haven't been sitting in the hospital for two days." I gave him a brief reminder about what happened in April and told him about my ecotopic in August. He gave me his condolences and said how sorry he was that I lost the baby in April and that was a horrible time in my life. I like that he said that. And sounded sincere too. I've decided to keep seeing him for my care in this pregnancy. I feel like he gets it. And he has a plan and that's what I need, a man with a plan! He mapped it all out, what we're going to do and what if this happens or that happens. And I get an ultrasound every two weeks!! yeah!! So, once the inital feeling wore off of seeing him after all this time I felt good and relaxed with him. And his hands weren't nearly as big as I remembered! And he remembered Blaine. With all of the dead and living babies he has seen in the past 7 months something about us stuck out. That made me feel like Blaine was important to someone outside our little family. On a humourous note, he shares an office with someone so I'm not sure who they belong to but there are some weird posters up. One room I was in had a poster of a pantless Burt Reynolds (maybe late 1970's). He had his back to the camera so you can't see anything but his hairy butt and someone covered that with a post it note! lol And then in the next room there's pictures of a topless Tom Selleck playing volleyball! (again late 70's) Strange.

Update

I've been taking an internet break. I had two somewhat scary moments with this pregnancy and since I am a googler I decided to just steer clear of the computer.
First, and this is related to Blaine. I have been referred to a high risk specialist OBGYN. So, I now have my family doctor, a nurse, my regular OBGYN, my psychiatrist and a specialist working on me! We discussed maybe needing a consult with a high risk and I requested Dr. Sasquatch. For those of you who haven't read Blaine's story, Dr. S was the Dr in the E.R. in April when we gave birth to Blaine. He has really big hands. I'm nervous about two things, 1. will he want to do an internal exam with those sasquatch hands? and 2. how am I going to feel seeing him? I haven't seen him since that day. I requested him because he is very caring and took the time to follow up on me after I went home. I know I can trust him. But I am scared to see him. Sometimes when I go to the doctor I go to the hallway where his office is and look at his name on the wall. Yes, kind of like stalking him. But he is connected to my son. He is one of the few people who held him (that I know of anyway). Now I have to sit and have a conversation with him and wonder the entire time if he remembers Blaine. Probably not given the sheer number of dead babies out there.
Secondly, I got a bladder infection. I'm sure there's tons of stories out there of women getting b.i. and miscarrying. So, I steared clear of google.
I am still in a good place but have been sad and missing my boy. With Christmas approaching it's bringing up a lot of emotions. It's going to be a tough time and I'm debating several things like should I buy B a gift of some kind? Should I buy Big Sis something from B? How can I remember him? Lot's to figure out in about 6 weeks.
I made the mistake of joining a message board this pregnancy. I am overwhelmed by all of the stupid first time moms. I hate them and reading about all of their stupid concerns. "will I get stretch marks" "will my boobs sag" or calling the first movements of the baby "annoying tickles" how about this
"will my baby die" "will my baby stop breathing before my next dr appt" or "boy, I'm glad I felt the baby moving early on since it died"
I hate message boards.